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10 Shades Of Gay

Over the years, we build up layers and layers of false, useless concepts and worthless convictions that can influence our thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

1: The Normal-Not Normal Calamity

From an early age, we are conditioned to buy into so much bullshit about what is normal, what is not, what is right, what is not.

When we cannot/will not fit in to society’s definition of “normal” we blame ourselves.

We conceal “the shame! the shame!” and shovel it under the proverbial carpet. And we get really good at pretending that we are ok and our life is good.

Even though we are carrying around gallons of toxic shame.

2: Living Into the “not enough”

and there are many of us who have been convinced that we are “not enough”; like, not normal enough, not pretty/beautiful/attractive enough, not thin/fat/tall/ enough, not smart/clever/ enough, not rich enough, not spiritual enough, not creative enough, and a million other “not enoughs”.

The “Not Enoughs” … restrict our life choices.

They force us to hold on to what we should be rather than what we could be.

And our brilliance and individuality vanishes into the sea of shame and sameness

3: Absorbing those (negative) messages

and judgmental comments we heard growing up; the ones about the stigma of homosexuality and same sex attraction. Well over time, they have the power to morph into that voice in our head.

So, naturally we could end up feeling very negative about ourselves. Because of which, we may find ourselves battling with shame, self–loathing, depression and low self esteem througout our adult life.

4: The Journey to self acceptance

and not accepting who you are hurts, a lot.

Yet we do insist on judging ourselves negatively, we compare ourselves unfavorably to others, and we rate how good or bad we are. Add to that the persistent, self-inflicted verbal abuse we put ourselves through. It’s no wonder we end up in a vicious cycle of emotional pain.

5: “Coming Out” again and again

the first coming out is one big roller coaster of emotions, we mainly experience that one alone. And it is not a one-time thing, we probably come out many times over the course of our life.

7: Sex is Sex

and casual sex is a default strategy for being with someone, anyone, who is like us, wants us, validates us, approves of us…at least for the time it takes.

8: That first same-sex love relationship

is evidence of our commitment to intimacy, relationship, love. But, sometimes, it can also unleash emotional chaos, triggering pain points (usually traumatic childhood memories) that can spin us around and around.

9: Beneath the surface

is where the rerunning of the emotional highlights of that carefully buried pain we experienced in childhood, as a teen, young adult and beyond... lives.

10: The Low Self-esteem Effect (refer to the 4th shade)

yes it is a paradox but if you cannot accept and love yourself for who you are, it will be really hard for you to accept that someone else just might love you.


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