Some relationships just won’t work.
But you want them to work so badly that you sometimes ignore the red flags waving at you in the distance.
You keep hoping they will go away.
I just pretend that the red flags are not there, and I keep telling myself that “I’m imaging things”.
Sometimes I ignore my gut feelings, the ones that scream ‘abort’, ‘abort’.
Those red flags move closer and closer but I dig my heels in, hoping they’d disappear.
I move forward in spite of them, with hope in my heart. That hopefulness that things will work out.
The day does come when those flags are so close that they are practically slapping me in the face.
Although still hopeful, I have no choice but to deal with them.
I’m sure you can relate.
You try and figure out what is going on. With you. Why are you not just walking away.
But you don't really want to know. So you keep avoiding the obvious.
You have placed your faith in the hope that it will all work out in the end.
Sometimes it does.
Sometimes you end up where you did not want to go to in the first place…
the “Houston we have a problem" scenario.
Of course I know I’ll come through to the other side… bruised, older, (not sure about wiser), and tired, very tired.
I’d lose sight of what the f**k I was fighting for.
I’d be exhausted
· From applying the emotional band-aids.
· Trying to justify what should/could not be justified
· Of the hands thrown up in despair
· Of beating myself up with ‘why can't I get this f**king crap together?
Sometimes, somehow it all comes together.
Sometimes it just doesn’t.
But that’s ok.
Because sometimes it's just that 'hope is not enough'.
There is nothing I or anyone can do.
No one is to blame;
It feels like failure, it may well be or it may not.
It just maybe that it could never have worked.
Ever. End of.
I’m ok with that.