I know most lesbians can relate to those uncomfortable moments when straight people ask questions like “So how do you have sex?”
The 3 areas of awkward and truly annoying questions and comments:
1. The labelling: So what kind of lesbian are you?
Butch
Lesbian
Femme
Chapstick lesbian
Queer
2. The questioning: As in…
Are you the girl or boy in the relationship?
Are you a lesbian by choice?
Did you have to cut your hair when you came out?
You’re so pretty! You wear dresses, are you sure you’re a lesbian?
3. The justification (s): Just because I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean that …”
I am attracted to you
I enjoy watching sports
I wear plaid, hoodies, Doc Martens
I play the guitar
I recently got asked one of those awkward questions – ‘But you have children, so how can you be a lesbian?
It’s been a while since I’ve been asked this question and also the variations of the questions above. In the past, these questions and/or comments would really upset me as I felt that I was being judged and condememed.
But even more than that, I felt bad for making them feel so uncomfortable being around ‘lesbian me’.
Literally I would downplay being gay because I didn’t want people to feel uncomfortable around me. I would try to answer in ways that I thought would make them feel more comfortable.
Nowadays I am more resilient. I quit living my life to please other people’s expectations of what my life should be. I am happy with who I am.
Truth is, I don’t owe anyone an explanation, so I have 2 standard polite replies that apply to all questions and comments:
Go and ask Google or Alexa
Interesting question/comment but it’s actually none of your business
Follow us @acrossrainbows