Why do we spend a lifetime and work so hard to be the best at who we are not?

Sometimes there are no more tomorrows, yet we spend our todays trying to live up to society’s (and other people’s) expectations of who we are, what we should do, who we should love.

We all want to be ‘normal’, and every day is a battle to conform, to fit in. We are constantly bombarded by the subtle socialised messages of what is acceptable and what is not. “Not Normal” “Wrong”, “Immoral” and

"Shameful"  But here’s the thing, society’s definition of normal is biased. It does not make sense. 

Yet, we bear so much shame when we cannot conform to society expectations.

We always feel ‘less than’ everyone around us.

We feel sad inside. A sadness that is shaded with fear and shame.

We become experts at avoiding ourselves. 

Sometime we become an exaggerated version of what is expected of us. 

Sometimes we desensitise ourselves. We stop thinking of ‘what ifs’? 

We smother our emotions. We stop feeling. This creates a void in our soul. So we fill the void with too much alcohol, too much drugs, too much sex, too much food, too much work. 

Sometimes we find our voice. Yet no one seems to be listening. 

Sometimes we just want to be seen. Yet we feel invisible.

Sometimes we get tired of trying to be who we are not. So we just are.

And we end up living a very twisted version of normal.

We live in hope that some day, perhaps tomorrow, things will get better.

Sometimes it all just gets too much. 

And sometimes there are no more tomorrows.

(Goodbye sweet boy. Your star will shine bright forever. xx.)