It’s all about the control. They are the centre of their universe, they are better than anyone else.
A legend in their own mind. They are professional manipulators and liars.
They can sociopathically take a perfectly well adjusted, confident person and destroy them.
By charmingly manipulating them. They lie to get what they want. Pretending to be other than who they really are - cruel, manipulative, despicable, cold empty souls.
It is one of the worst types of abuse, because no one can see your scars.
It is very very slow... the insidious, invisible, systematic and targeted breakdown of all that you are.
They tell you how much they love you. They say they adore you. They win your trust.
They only wants what is best for you. They are very charming and persuasive.
In reality, they are looking for any weaknesses, fear and anything that they will use against you, time and again.
It happens so slowly you don’t realise what’s going on… until it’s way too late.
When you finally find yourself isolated and cut off from family and friends,
You are completely, physically, financially and emotionally dependant on them. And that’s when the shit gets real.
Walking on egg shells? Hell, you become an expert on navigating shattered glass!
They've fucked and messed with your head so thoroughly, you constantly question your judgement. You are always unsure. You are terrified of making that one wrong move that will upset the very fragile and unstable peace you keep trying to create. They are always disappointed in you. You don’t meet their expectations… in anything! Not the way you look, talk, dress, cook, drive, give birth, have sex, breath. You are never enough. They hate being responsible for anyone, particularly their family. They never let you forget how much you cost them, they tell you every day. They tell you how much better off they would be if you were not around. They will tell lies about you to friends and family. Some will believe them and some will not. They will use anything against you. They blame you for everything and I mean everything, The weather, the price of petrol, the rush hour traffic, their affairs. They remind you constantly that “You are stupid”, “You just don’t get it” “You’re hormonal” “You have no idea what you are saying” They walk out of the room when you are talking. You instinctively know when you need to stop talking. They will tell/do something and when you remind them of what he said/did, they will argue that they never said/did that; they will tell you that you are imagining things. That you are crazy, That you are too intense, That you challenge them on everything; no one challenges them, only you. So you must be the problem. You try to fight back. But they are masters; they tell you that you are imaging things; They love you so much; Everything they do they do for you; They will give you the option of leaving, and immediately tell you how you are incapable of looking after yourself. You need them to survive. You have no common sense, You have it so good, but you are ungrateful, selfish. They protect you. They tell you how lucky you are to have them. They are so good to you. Then they shut down. They will not talk, look or acknowledge you. Sometimes for a day or a week. Sometimes longer. Until you “challenge” them again and it starts all over again. You feel like you are being destroyed from the inside out. To the outside world, you have a perfect life. In reality you live behind enemy lines, with verbal bullets hailing down on you most of the time.
You are always surrounded by verbal gunfire, nowhere is safe. Of course there are calm times and even good moments. But, and here is the thing, at any given moment, without notice, you know it could change. You live in a state of constant high alert.
When it finally ends, you emerge from that hell Feeling insignificant, unworthy, emotionally needy and undeserving. Your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth severely battered. You are spinning. You are reeling.You have danced with the devil. You have endured devastation. You try to make sense of what happened. You over analyse where you went wrong, You want to to take blame for what happened You want to fix yourself.
But you don’t need fixing. It is not your fault. You want to change yourself. But by changing yourself, you still cannot change the past. It is not your fault. You remember the abuse. You remember the slow, devious, cruel defilement of your soul, mind and heart. The remembering makes you question everything. Sometimes there are no answers.
Then you begin to re-remember, And you begin to understand that it’s not your fault that you were left emotionally destroyed It was because of your involvement with them. The reality is that…there was no relationship. It happened. Evil does exist. It is not your fault.